I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Send help, water and tortillas.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
