she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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