I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
