what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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