Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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