the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Oh god it's open bar.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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