You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
