Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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