neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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