Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
