So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize