This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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