She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
