I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
