tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
