Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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