I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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