oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
