is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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