I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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