You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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