Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
