He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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