turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
