I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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