how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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