watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
