Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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