I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Randomize
