i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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