The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
