i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
