i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize