I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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