if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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