so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
