I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
