Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
