she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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