i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
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So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
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My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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