I cockslap morals
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Houston, we have a squirter
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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