I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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