we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
