we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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