That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
