I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
