oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
