I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
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I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
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YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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