Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
