a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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