i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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