You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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