How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
