I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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