They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
