stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
